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“Where’s the funny? Where’s the charm? Where’s the witty?”
“I’m sorry, when you signed up for your subscription to the Mark DeCarlo’s Studs fanzine or Testube, A Chemist’s Monthly, was there funny, charm or witty in the transaction? I think not. Most likely you filled out your name on the flyer that fell out of the magazine, you stole from the Dentist’s office, wrote a bad check, and swiped a stamp from your mom so you could get the wonderful deliciousness of their content.”
“Wait, you didn’t understand, all the other pages here, ARE funny. It was a compliment.”
“Since when did compliments come in the form of questions? It takes hours and hours to craft the single line that will have no race, religion or gender bias, and remember this is the internet, silly fart jokes only go so far.”
“Ok. I’m sorry. I will just subscribe. What about a contest? Maybe some cool swag? Or even a poll?”
“I think those are great suggestions, let me get out my round metal filing cabinet in the shape of a trashcan and I will write this down and…..sorry, I had a little gas from lunch. It was making me a bit hornery. I feel all better now and your ideas are looking really good. Stay subscribed!”